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10 Ways You Can Ruin Your Best Friend’s Wedding.

Posted in Humor.
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Few people would sign or make any contracts if they had the choice. Contracts are arrangements which supposedly enable you to control other people and them to control you. Contracts freely entered into will always have benefits, obligations and disadvantages for both parties. They can only be meaningful if they have force behind them. That force usually is the law and its police and courts but may also rely on public sentiment, personal power and it can include withholding benefits and interfering with progress.

Is your best “Friend” marrying the woman that you love? Aren’t you going to do something about it? Try these 10 tips that will ruin their wedding and put you back in the spotlight.

Here’s the scenario: Your friend is getting married this weekend and he has begged you to come. You tell him that you would love to and that you would definitely be there, because you can’t miss your best friend being wed to the most beautiful woman in your college class. You can do no more than three of the following actions to ruin his marriage to the girl whom you’ve wanted to ask out for the last three years:


Why do people get married? What is a marriage contract for? Why sign a marriage contract if it cannot be enforced? What does a promise mean if there is no power behind it? Many contracts are implied or de facto. Two people who live together as roommates or as-though-married have mutual obligations even if they are not spoken or written. This is true of any relationship. If one partner does not live up to the wishes and demands of the other, the contract is broken and they separate.

  1. Offer to be the best man, but don’t show up. Call your friend the next day and explain to him that you were too drunk to came and that you weren’t… uhh… were… very very sorry in a slurred speech.
  2. Bring a six pack of beer to the wedding and drink one while watching what you refer to as “one hell of a show”.
  3. Dress in wino clothing and make sure to carry an unpleasant scent: Sit by your friend’s mother and father. Hint: Sit between them for the full effect. (Bringing the beer helps too.)

    4. Many say that marriage is a statement to another person and to society that two people are devoted and committed to each other forever. How does one benefit from this devotion and commitment? One gets to control that person’s behavior within the terms of the marriage. At least one is allowed to think he is controlling the person. One can’t really know everything the other person does, and certainly can’t control what they think or feel, so, in reality, he has little control and derives little benefit. If one marries for money, security, protection, those things can always be held back. Not to mention affection and emotional support.

  4. Hoot, holler, and shout “Yee Hawww, you give it to her man!” when the bride and groom are about to kiss. (That beer in the outspread right hand will increase the effectiveness of your ploy).
  5. Shout “I OBJECT!” after the preacher says “… any objections… speak now or forever hold your peace…”
  6. Report loudly: “So you knocked her up too, eh?” anytime during the processions.
  7. Smoke. Offer the person beside you a cigarette.

    8. People suggest that their marriage contract protects their children. There is some small truth to that because society will make efforts to see to it that the children are well taken care of and the marriage contract gives society some tools of force to promote that welfare of the children. Probably more important, in most societies, children of married persons are treated with greater respect than those born out of wedlock. This is an unfortunate holdover from succession rules of royalty. Society doesn’t seem to be able to overcome this prejudice, so marriage is a desirable state if you are going to have children… [read more]

  8. Listen to a comedy tape (any comedian will do) and laugh loudly during the processions.
  9. Pick your teeth, pick your nose, pick your ears, be flatulent, snort, and scratch your bottom throughout the wedding; make sure those around you notice. Also make sure that they know that you are a friend of the groom.
  10. Drug the wedding cake and wine the night before, and when everyone is either intoxicated or high, take advantage of the cover to make your move on the bride.


Autor: Vance Lethurin.
Source: www.quazen.com

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