10 Most Annoying Ways To Use Electronic Accessories.
TRUE STORY FROM THE NEWS!!!
KIEV, Ukraine (Reuters)
A Ukraine businessman who bought a pager for each member of his staff as a New Year gift was so alarmed when all 50 of them went off at the same time that he drove his car into a lamp post, a newspaper said on Thursday.
We truly live in a culture of ridiculous excess. People used to carry cell phones as a status symbol, but now that every 8 year old has a cell phone, they’ve had to start again. Of course, there’s always the big annoyances, like compensation cars (Corvettes and stuff like that, things that help one compensate for deficiencies in other areas or show off how rich they are). I’ve always been a person that’s not impressed by shows of wealth and prestige.
The unnamed businessman was returning from the pager shop when the accident happened, the Fakty daily reported.
“With no more than 100 meters to go to the office, the 50 pagers on the back seat suddenly burst out screeching. The businessman’s fright was such that he simply let go of the steering wheel and the the car ploughed into a lamp post.”
After he had assessed the damage to the car, the businessman turned his attention to the message on the 50 pagers. It read: “Congratulations on a successful purchase!
Accessories are things that people carry and use that somehow piss me off. Some of these things aren’t annoying by themselves, but when people use them in public in certain ways, they suck.
- iPod’s in public: That’s right. I love my iPod, I use it all the time, AT HOME. But when I go to the mall (not one of my favorite past times by the way), it’s always funny to see people walking around wearing an iPod, listening to music. Couldn’t pull yourself away from listening to that new Black Eyed Peas song for 10 minutes to go be a member of society? Note to public iPod users, you look like a tool when you wear your iPod in shopping centers.
- Pagers: OK, it’s not 1984. Get rid of your stupid pager, ok. I don’t care if you are a doctor, and you’re on call, wouldn’t it be easier for them to call you on one of the three cell phones you carry? “Oh, hehe, I have a page, excuse me for a moment while I go back in self-importance.”
- Cellphones in movie theaters: Damn it, you payed $20 to watch this movie, can’t you stand to put your stupid cell phone in your pocket for 90 minutes? “Oh no, I better check to see if Joe texted me to see if we’re still going to get drunk tonight!” Yeah, well, you suck.
- Cellphones while driving: It’s dangerous, DUH. Over the past few years, this has gotten so bad that I’ve sometimes counted drivers in traffic who are talking on a cell phone, and it’s not uncommon for more than half of them to be chatting away. Is it really so hard to give something that is a matter of life and death your full and undivided attention? Could that call really be SO IMPORTANT that it couldn’t wait for three minutes until you arrive at your destination (most likely the mall or Taco Bell). Most bad drivers on the road are talking on their cell phone.
- Playing video games in public: I’ve quite literally seen people walking in the grocery store playing a PSP or Gameboy. Are you really that fed up with civilized society that you must relegate yourself to detaching from the world at all times?
- People who use their laptop in a restaurant: There’s only two reasons someone would go out to eat and sit on their laptop the whole time, and if they’re not sitting in a coffeehouse or Denny’s studying, then they’re showing everyone else how insanely important their job is. “Oooh, look at me, I’m so important that I work on my lunch break.” No, my friend, you are a patsy ass.
- It’s people who carry more than two cell phones. “This one’s for home, this one’s for work, and this one’s for me.” Yeah, look, I understand that a lot of employers give their employees cell phones for work usage, and you can’t use it to call your wife or girlfriend or boyfriend or whatever, so it’s ok to carry two. But I’ve seen people carrying three, and then using them all. Seriously, are you this much of an ass clown? It’s not even possible to suck that much.
- Carrying a tape player while you exercise: You know, cassette tapes, those things that our ancestors listened to music on. Yeah, they must still make them or something. I saw some old timers jogging along the beach in California, carrying tape cassette players. Look, you’re living in California, where no one in their right mind should ever live, with rent prices in the thousands and home prices in the millions. I’m sure you could spring the $40 for a cheap mp3 player or $10 for a CD player.
- Electronic book machines: I know you’ve heard of these things. They’re slightly like a tablet PC, or a really big palm pilot. What you do is buy books and download them to the tablet, and read the book on the thing. Here’s a novel idea, buy actual books. I know that’s like so 2006, but whatever.
- Bluetooth things: Holy hell these are the king of all stupid, annoying, ridiculous, idiotic electronic accessories. I don’t have to explain in depth, because I’ve done it many times before, but you know, I will. “Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t realize that you lost all control of both of your arms, so I guess it makes sense for you to stick your phone in your ear.” The fact of the matter is that NOBODY who uses one of these things looks cool, important, or awesome. I don’t care how important you really are, putting a bluetooth in your ear instantly makes you a pathetic moron. There is nothing more pathetic in this world than the bluetooth wearer, it is the most awesome thing about going to public, getting to make fun of these people, and they’re always out there.
Anyone have some Thorazine?
I watched a woman while I got gas at the local Marathon station the other day. Normally, I mind my own business (as much as possible) while filling up, but this woman was attracting stares from most of the patrons around me as well. She was in her 40вЂ™s, attractive, smiling from ear to ear and waving her free hand wildly while pumping gas with the other. She was talking to herself loudly, laughing and gesturing for all she was worth. Her shock of shoulder length brown curly hair stood up from her head and waved with every gesture of her hand.
Her hair seemed to take on a life of its own, as if her energetic attitude and lively conversation caused her hair to come to life as well.
I was seriously considering calling 911 for medical attention, assuming the woman had escaped from the nearby state mental facility, when the wind picked up and blew her hair completely over her face.
That revealed a Bluetooth earpiece crammed into the womanвЂ™s right ear. вЂњSheвЂ™s on the phone,вЂќ I announced to the astonished patrons standing nearby.
Several chuckled, shook their heads and went inside to pay for their gas. The woman, still lost in her own world, continued to talk and gesture, never knowing how close she came to confinement in a mental institution. Bluetooth isnвЂ™t worth looking crazy.
So you see, I donвЂ™t have an aversion to Bluetooth earpieces. They can be quite entertaining. IвЂ™m just afraid that if I purchase one, I will be tempted to become a Bob wannabe and start hanging out at the local Wal Mart to show off my important looking, must-have techno gadget. I like my teeth, and I enjoy washing my hair and shaving. I even like deodorant and clean clothes.
I think IвЂ™ll stick to the speakerphone option and avoid the temptation to morph into BobвЂ™s second cousin or avoid the risk of being mistaken for an escaped mental patient. I could get shot up with Thorazine and pink-slipped to the psych ward for three days while the drugs wear off… [read more]
Bob on the town.
One of my favorite occurrences is the arrival of Bob and his cousins. Bob shows up to hang at the local Wal Mart in his work clothes, complete with greasy work jeans, muddy boots, and a shirt proudly displaying his name over the right side of his chest. His hair looks as if his barber died 6 months ago, and he hasnвЂ™t shaved in 4 days. HeвЂ™s missing his left front tooth and should be missing several more, except they are held in place by the perpetual chaw of chewing tobacco.
Bob carries a centuries-old plastic Mountain Dew bottle with a peeling label, half-full of a brown, globby liquid from the saliva that he uses to punctuate his sentences by spitting into the bottle to make his point more emphatically. Bob is out for a night on the town. How do I know? HeвЂ™s wearing his Bluetooth earpiece. He has his overgrown hair tucked behind one ear to be sure that everyone knows heвЂ™s wearing a Bluetooth. He stops mid-stride every 5 isles or so to tap the device and jabbers and guffaws loudly so that everyone in the store hears heвЂ™s important enough to have gotten a call on a Saturday night. BobвЂ™s look seems to have caught on. BobвЂ™s cousins and friends now clog the isles and hang out in the parking lot every weekend. They have spread across the street to the Tractor Supply store and can be seen in Taco Bell and Big Lots, each one proudly displaying their Bluetooths… [read more]
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